Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
