did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
