the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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