Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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