just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
