but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize