i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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