Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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