Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
