So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
