Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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