Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
