Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
