I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
