highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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