I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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