Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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