thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
did i just pee glitter
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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