Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
