I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
