the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
