I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
meet me or not, i'm out of control
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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