So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
