Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
