The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Found your dick twin last night
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
