i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
