you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Pants are for mortals
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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