Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
