Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
