Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
