Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Randomize
