im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
