NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
