Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
