9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize