i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
