I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
