I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
