I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We don't watch enough power rangers
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
be right there i have to get my cape
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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