She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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