We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
