Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize