ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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