Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
please don't ironically join a cult
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