My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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