Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
