I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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