see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
