Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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