she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
