Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
