idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
