Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
