She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
