He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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