Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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