one two three fourrrrnication!
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
