Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
