I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
