At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
