I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
