I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
This house was built for laser tag.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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