this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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