lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
