Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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