I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
