I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
