you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
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