(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
As shirtless as possible
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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