You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
