All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
