Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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