Already got asked if we're dating
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The Olympian is in my bed
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