is your mom at the bar?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
