So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
