When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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